Tagged by the wonderful Ruth In Revolt
Dear Friend (?),
I was going to wait till Monday to write to you but after everything that’s happened lately and especially today I feel I really need to reach out to you now!
You found some real clarity earlier this year but I can feel you going cloudy again. I can’t help feel this is my fault, I’m not really allowing you to get clarity because I’m far too busy trying to shut you up and tell you that you’re making a big deal out of nothing – we both know that’s not true though. I’m sorry for repressing you.
In the past few months you have had one family member go through some tests as it was suspected something was seriously wrong, you had another family member worry you regarding their mental health, you yourself have had to work on the anxiety of going through a battery of tests at the dr’s and hospital to find out why after 31 months we haven’t conceived yet, you have had a dr tell you that he can’t find your left ovary and then refuse to answer any questions because he is not your consultant and after a very sudden turn of events you have had to make the difficult decision to have our beloved Roxy put down and you are now racked with guilt.
Laying it on the table I can see why you’re getting cloudy and heavy again. You have tried to put some positivity out there onto Twitter and to take it on board but I can’t help but feel the foundation of our recovery is starting to crumble.
We’re supposed to be a team but I just feel like all my life we’ve been at constant loggerheads! Can I be honest with you now, and I hope my vulnerability here will entice you to meet me halfway; I’m exhausted with fighting with you all the time, I’m drained with telling you how wrong you are to feel how you feel and I’m frustrated with always making you anxious and stressed because of these fights we have.
I’m scared, really scared. If you can promise to try your best to get me through the next few months and find ways to pull us through I promise I will try my best not to fight you every step of the way.
All my love always,
K….. (a.k.a Fairy Kissed Daisy)