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Keeping it Secret

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’ve kept my blog and social medias relating to my blog a bit of a secret from everyone who knows me in real life. My fiance and my younger brother know I have a blog but they don’t know what it’s called or what I post.

I have been wanting to do insta-stories for a while now so I posted a short one yesterday and then a longer one this morning and my heart fell through my a** before racing like crazy when I saw that one of my cousins had viewed it! I quickly set my blogs insta-gram back to private, removed her from my followers and proceeded to dry heave for about half an hour before getting myself ready for work.

It’s not that what I’m posting is bad, a lie or embarrassing it’s just that I’m not ready for the reaction of people I know. The only two people I wouldn’t be too bothered about viewing things are my fiance and my younger brother as I know they are always judgement free and supportive but everyone else is a question mark I don’t want to explore.

Apart from massive paranoia over how on earth this cousin found my blog instagram in the first place the situation has also got me thinking a lot more about myself and why this had such a negative affect on me, I was physically shaking with fear. I guess the only conclusion I’ve come up with is that perhaps I’m not as comfortable with myself as I think. Or perhaps I’m only comfortable when I know the people who would judge me the most (family, friends, work colleagues) can’t see who I really am.

Isn’t that a really sad way to live though? I’d love to just say fudge it and share everything with them and not care how they react but the sad truth is I feel safer, more accepted and more looked after by this community than the one society says I should.

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11 thoughts on “Keeping it Secret

  1. I have quite ‘strong’ views on the whole topic of bloggers keeping their blogs and social medias related to their blog a secret. I had a very bad, cringey blog when i was about 12 and never told anyone cause it wasn’t really a hobby but back then social media didnt really play apart in the blogging world so there was no way of them finding my blog. At the time i thought people might judge me for it but now that mentality i had went out the window. I didnt keep my blogs instagram on private or a secret from anyone and if by chance anyone from college found it then i wouldnt mind because my blog is something im proud of! but i do 100% see why some people have the mentality that they dont want people to see their blog because of their reaction!x

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thats an interesting way of looking at it thank you for commenting with your experience. I dont feel like I find what I write cringey and I’m not embarassed (or at least I dont think I am) I just keep it seperate because my family dynamic inparticular is so strained and they are so disapproving of outlets that they’d be expecting me to take it down or to just do reviews and not talk about how I feel

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand this, to some extent. When I made an Instagram for my blog, I didn’t have any intention of involving people I know. I didn’t mind having them on my Facebook page for it, but I was unsure of Instagram. But, I was an idiot and shared an Instagram post to my Facebook page and it snowballed from there. I still cringe when I see people I know personally have watched my stories, and agonise over what they probably thought!

    Although it’s not quite the same situation because obviously people were aware of it beforehand, I have a little insight into that feeling of “oh my goodness, what have I done?!” I hope you’ll get there in time and be able to tell them when you’re ready but if not, then that’s okay, too. You have to do what’s right for you.

    P.S. STILL SO PROUD OF YOU.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel like while I’m still in the middle of sorting my mental health out I need for this to be a secret but hopefully when I’m nearer the end I’ll feel more comfortable with sharing. Part of it is I know family and certain friends would tell me not to share so I feel like when what I’ve written about, especially the darker stuff, is well and truly out of my mind and doesn’t affect me as much then I’ll show them and if they say what I expect they will I can confidently go “yeah that was pretty bad but look where I am now!?” – I dont know if that makes much sense.

      Aww cheers cherub!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I completely understand how you feel, I think we write about things because it’s comfortable to write and it’s an outlet but I don’t advertise my blog to people I know. Only since I started my new job and they asked me for my blog name so they could have a look (because my new job involves blogging) and they said they liked it. Then another couple of people have asked me where to my find my blog so I’ve told them but I do feel very very self-conscious about it and now I’ve made a couple of posts private because I’m not confident enough for everyone to read. So I do understand. It might be that your cousin was just bored and doing lots of googling but you’re a great writer so feel proud and when you’ve had that book published you can say “look at me now!” 😃 I hope that makes sense x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Are you close with this particular cousin in real life? If not, has she proven to not be a supportive person? Maybe you could try reaching out to her and see how she found out about your blog?

    I don’t go around promoting my blog in my real life… I don’t exactly hide it either. I just feel like most people who know me in real life wouldn’t be interested in a book blog… Some of the people who have discovered my blog have been supportive, others have laughed it off and called me a nerd. I let it roll off my shoulders. The older I get, the more secure I feel of who I am. I am definitely still insecure about many things, but it has been getting easier. I know that isn’t easy for everyone though.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I kept mine secret for a time, it’s a humor blog although there are very true things in it, nohone would know. I told my wife as it ended up taking a lot of time,even for 2-3 posts a week. Although I guess I also waited until I was happy with what I was doing

    Liked by 1 person

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